Drawer time

I'm stuck in a maddening corner with my novel.

I want to make it better, but I can't. It's not that I have no ability to edit or that I can't revise and revisit scenes. It isn't that I lack motivation to do it either, I often spend huge amounts of time writing every day.

I'm paralyzed by the simple fact that I want my novel to be the best it can be, but I no longer have any perspective on what that is.

I've rewritten the beginning several times. I've shifted the starting point for the story forward and introduced characters that are pivotal at earlier moments. Then I've shown it to other people and changed it all again. Every time I go through this process I realize one thing. I want my book to be the best it can be, but I don't know what that is.

I'm stuck in a loop of, I'll do whatever is best for the writing quality, when I don't know what that is. The reason I can't recognize it anymore, is a complete lack of perspective.

I can't even imagine what it is like for someone to approach this draft as a reader. 

Which brings me to the inevitable moment that I am in now. I won't be able to make this story much better without moving on to other stories and distancing myself. People are lucky that way, we can forget creative works and grow. When we return after months or years, they mean something new to us. They can be renewed in our minds. In my case, the issues with my story will be clearer to me.

Luckily, most agents and editors will take a significant amount of time to respond to my inquiries. So I'm struggling as hard as I can with the beginning of the story. I'm hoping that I can make the first three chapters strong enough that I can get it right and take a break from the novel. I want to write other stories. I have so many ideas in my head that I feel genuine pain that I have to focus on editing draft after draft of the same chapters.

Perspective is a difficult thing to maintain.

What's wrong with the video game industry?

Writing every day is often the only way to get better at it. So sometimes this blog is going to drift from what the description labels it as. Today I wanted to talk about big game companies that are having difficulty and what has been bothering me about it.

Who the hell comes up with the estimates for sales?

Square Enix predicted that they would sell over 5 million copies of the new Tomb Raider title in the first month. That is absurd. There are no statistics I can look to that make me think that number was likely.

Ok, it's one thing to estimate sales that high. Maybe they were just hoping they had a hit on their hands? They couldn't have possibly put their financial future at risk with those expectations could they?

The quick replacement of their CEO in April and then again in May makes me think that they did in fact budget for sales that reached that high. All this while video game sales have slumped overall in a significantly noticed fashion.

Meanwhile, one of the most bungled launches ever occurred when Maxis/EA proceeded to sell a version of Simcity that couldn't be played. It may not seem related to the Square Enix debacle, but I see an underlying connection between these two news items happening so close together.

Software companies that make video games have grown to massive sizes in the last decade. I used to think it was for the betterment of the industry. I remember days when I looked at the purchasing of developers by large corporations as a sign that bigger and better games would come the consumer's way. What I see now, with the recent troubles in these huge companies, is the downside of a capitalist system.

Big corporations exist to make money.

When a large publisher like EA acquires Maxis, it isn't doing so because they think Maxis is super cool and they are fans. Companies like EA buy Maxis, because they think they can produce a product that will sell well and make EA even more money.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing. In a properly functioning organization, the desire to make profits often leads to excellent products. The problem comes when companies don't put quality first. No CEO will ever admit to it, but I think that games like Simcity are pushed out without regard to their level of detail. It gets reflected at Square Enix with sales goals that aren't based in any sort of reality.

Compare these massive failures with the successes of the indie game market. Specifically look at platforms like steam or the Xbox arcade. Games with smaller budgets and sometimes singular staffs are producing buzz that big companies dream of.

I can't help but look at the larger companies and wonder how long they can sustain themselves with such lack of direction.

How I focus on long term goals.

Beginning a creative project can be a difficult task. Even harder than starting, is continuing your work until completion. A book can take months to write, and many drafts get shredded in the process. Videos take hours of sitting in front of editing software every day. Musical creations take thousands of hours of relentless practice and revision. Art takes considerable effort and patience to master.

I've seen many of my friends start projects that never end. Sometimes I think they don't want them to. I've also seen projects that abruptly stop after several days of committed effort.

The real trick behind getting anything made, is that no matter the mood, there is a designated time that they work every single day. Quality is desired, but not a need for workloads like this. Enough production of creative material will eventually spin out something worthwhile. I sometimes find my favorite scenes in writing when I've gone off the deep end of exhaustion and am just trying to finish something. I lose the clever words and fancy language that I focus so hard on under normal conditions and just let thoughts race onto the paper.

A dedicated project is something that should consume your time.

A few things keep me working on something every day.

Develop a morning ritual.

Mine involves coffee and video games for an hour. I try to never go past that hour, and for me it's almost a mental workout letting myself indulge in something I enjoy so much and then separating myself from it willfully. Some days I just watch other people play video games and that is enough. The tricky part is knowing what I'm capable of stopping after that hour. Every person has limitations and addictions that can get in the way. The point I'm trying to make is, I don't work immediately, I start the day with something that will make me happy.

Identify where your willpower will break, and plan for that while it is strong.

I know that after I finish the immediate thought on the pages or paragraphs that I am writing, I will instantly open a web browser if it is available. So while my willpower is strong, I disable the internet, knowing that in the next hour there will be a moment where I go back to that distraction. It's alright to enjoy a break every hour or two, but make sure it is a planned moment that you control. Which brings me to my final thought on focus.

When you feel overwhelmed, choose to worry about one singular problem and ignore all the others.

Multitasking is an illusion. I'm not saying, don't plan ahead. Planning is critical to effectively using the time we have every day. What I'm saying, is the reality is that you can only physically do one task at any given moment. Yes, you may be running out of money and sometime in the next week face eviction, but you still need to wash your clothing. Achieving completion of one small task at a time is often all I have while I'm wrapped up in long term concerns.